Pakkailun lomassa (sain eilen vinon pinon pahvilaatikoita ja olen uurastanut kirjoja niihin), tyhjentelin myos tietokonettani ja loysin sielta tallaisen. Ei aavistustakaan mista sen olen kopsannut, mutta tassa se tulee Ja ihan sitten huumorimielella ;D.


You have lived too long in India when …


*You talk about enmity, rather than animosity

*You find it just fine, when someone says IN-tes-tine (rhyming with fine).

*You refuse to eat anything without mango pickle on the side.

*You show up, without apology, for a 9 o'clock meeting at 10:45.

* You know the difference between a googly and a leg break.

*You eschew toilet paper, even when available.

*You know that Big B approves of Little B going out with Ash, while Jaya would prefer he woo Rani.

*You keep the bathroom door closed even when unoccupied.

*You are able to tie a dhoti in ten seconds or less.

*You know the answer to 'Kaun Banega Crorepati?' is probably not you.

*You derisively flick your thumb off your front teeth to let someone know you aren't talking to them.

*You motion for someone to come hither with palm down.

*You impulsively laugh when a Sadarji appears on screen.

*You refer to people from Britain as Britishers, rather than British.

*You say something was 'too good' when it was 'very good.'

*You have tried every flavor of ice candy.

*You suck the insides of a massaged mango out a small incision made at the top of the fruit.

*You call Bombay, Mumbai; Calcutta, Kolkata; Madras, Chennai; and Bangalore, Bangalooroo.

*You know what you 'lakh' is 100,000.

*You feel hot at 40 degrees, not cold (it's centigrade, Baby).

*You tip the scales at less than 100, and it's not because of the weight you've lost (talkin' kilos, Baby).

*You can bangra, garba and dandiya until the sun comes up and the cows come home.

*You know Krack cream is for your soles and not your nose.

*You feel that Rajiv Gandhi is predestined to become PM, just as John Jr. was to become President.

*You prefer Limca over Sprite, Maaza over Fanta, and Thums Up over Pepsi.

*You refer to a mosque as a masjid, and a temple as a mandir.

*You know that in Bharat 'Highly Inflammable' means exactly the same thing as 'Highly Flammable.'

*You feign to reach for a rock to scare off aggressive dogs.

*You have flown on Sahara, Jet, Spice and Kingfisher.

*You know that 'kuch daal mein kala hai' when you're offered a free taxi ride.

*You have held hands with a friend of the same sex without getting the heebie jeebies.

*You know all the titillating details behind the DPS, RK Puram scandal.

*You have ridden in a straw-filled bullock cart with a man whose ear hair can be tied secure beneath his chin.

*You know that Bipasha is a babe and John Abraham is a hunk.

*You always choose the upper berth on the train to avoid having passengers trod on you in the night.


*You complain about the meter being 'fast' in your auto rickshaw.

*You walk away from vendors to coax them into quoting the lowest price.

*You have stepped in an elephant pie to avoid being flattened by a Tata truck.

*You can reproduce the inane jingle for Fair and Handsome skin creme.

*You have tried every flavor of Lay's potato chips including Magic Masala, Australian, Latino Salsa, Spanish Tomato Tango, Hot & Sweet Chilli Caribbean, Chaat Street Bindaas Bhel and Golguppa Style.

*You opt for the movie starring King Khan over King Kong.


*You kabadi, kabadi, kabadi in your sleep.

*You have shamelessly relieved yourself on the side of a public building on a well-travelled road.

*You know it's only a matter of time before Salman Khan kills someone, or at least threatens to do so over the phone.

*You have employed a scissors shot in carrom to best the diamond merchant from Surat.

*You know that it's a Hindu in Hindustan that speaks Hindi and not the other way around.

*You can determine whether a person is from Secunderabad or Hyderabad by their accent.

*You whistle the theme to 'Main Hoon Na' while riding a motorbike with five others.

*You know that nine times out of ten your Delhi rickshawala will be from Bihar.

*You have had Corn in a Cup and you want your thunder.

*You know the bewafaa in 'Bewafaa' is Kareena Kapoor, granddaughter of the one and only Raj.

*You have ridden a camel bareback and buck naked through the

Rann of Kutchchh (well, at least in your dreams).

*You know Rani and Baps are from Bengal, Ash is from Mangalore, and Mallika from Haryana.

*You have been to the CID to file an FIR with the KBC-viewing SI who belongs to the BJP.


*You prefer to eat by hand off a banana leaf while sitting cross-legged on the ground.

*You boldly cross the street when traffic is coming from both directions and all places in between.

*You no longer shake or nod your head – you waggle.


*You have had a rainbow of colors hidden behind your ears for weeks after Holi.

*You have taken the long way around to avoid walking coming too close a sword-wielding, blue-dyed naked man.

*You stand on your head for twenty minutes every morning.
*You have shared a smoke with a Sadhu around a campfire in the Himalayas.


*You say "Double Zero" instead of "Zero zero"

*You've stepped off the sidewalk to avoid a wandering cow

*You understand that "cold" means "cool"

*You drink tea with your meals, not soda

*You buy your cigarettes one at a time


*You blow your nose expertly without the aid of a Kleenex


* You see handsoap at a restaurant and think, "man this is upper class."

* You casually wipe the sweat off your face with a dupatta or a handkerchief.

* You start using the word "yaar" as often as califonians use the word, "dude."

* You start expecting guests at any hour of the day.

* You drink at least 2-3 cups of chai a day.

* You wake up at 7:00am on the days that you're sleeping in.

*You can argue over 3 rupees (approx. 5.5 cents US).


* --- ----- and you win.

*You frequently take the public bus - sometimes with
your luggage.

* You can get a Chennai autorickshaw driver to go
somewhere for 10 rupees.

* You carry your luggage on your head.

You call an elevator a lift, a hot water heater
a geyser (pron. 'geezer')
, speed bumps rumblers,
pharmacies medical shoppes, say kindly instead of
please, call waiters boss, all men over age 50
uncle and
refer to any non-Indian (including Japanese )
as 'Westerners.'

* You no longer bother to say excuse me.

* You can walk barefoot down a city street without

*You can distinguish the spoken sounds and printed
alphabets of Kannada, Tamil, Malayalam and Telegu.

* People express surprise that you don't speak


* You express gratitude for the temperature dropping
to 90 degrees. 


*You stop carrying your antibacterial soap with you


*You can say leave me alone in four languages,
other than English.


* The Hindus only temples don't look twice at you
upon entering.


*Sidewalk hawkers and legless beggars know
instinctively not to bother you.


you no longer involuntarily exclaim 'oooohhhh'
when the power fails. 


*You view restaurant paper napkins as a source of
free toilet paper.


Viela olisi siis opittavaa, mutta enpa taida kaikkea edes haluta oppia. Kahdessa vuodessa olen omaksunut jotain, ainakin jossakin maarin, ja ne loytyvat tummemmalla ;).